IF MEN REALLY RULED THE WORLD...

*any fake phone number a girl gave you would automaticlly foward your call to her real number
*nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
*in order to expedite the sleeping-together part, eye contact would count as a first date
*foreplay would be discarded in favor of a new concept:fourplay
*a man could give up a lucrative job for a career in the rodeo without having to hold a "family meeting."
*hallmark would make "sorry, what was you name again?" cards.
*speaking soley in clint eastwood quotes would count as "opening up."
*when you girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in the little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out
*brassieres could be unclasped by gently blowing on them
*you could never be turned down when asking a woman to dance, because there'd be no more fuckin' dancing.
*answering machines would automaticlly edit out your lame jokes, coughing fits, and long, anuished pauses
*when women climaxed, they'd make a noise like a pinball machine
*breaking up would be a lot easier-a smack on the ass and a "nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
*birth control would come in ale or lager.
*you could prevent pregnancy just by crossing your fingers
*you'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "heywood j'blowme."
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